Last email. Last p-day. Last Sunday
ya pasó. Last district meeting was already 4 days ago. Not going to see
Porvenir again this week and today´s my last day in Cobija. Yes, it´s
weird being on your deathbed. Dad said that my emotions would probably
be on the surface this next week.... yes, I think it all started hitting
me last Thursday...
Last night the branch had a farewell
party-activity thing that was all very sporatically planned when
everyone found out during sacrament meeting that Elder H** and I are
leaving tomorrow. It was really good with really really good food,
thoughts and feelings from the members and such and then Elder H** and
I spoke for like 2 minutes. It was really fun, but really sad. It felt
like I was leaving home again.
I know this sounds super
depressing haha, but at the same time I still feel completely ready to
go home. I got thinking about that last week and just got thinking,
´Isn´t this supposed to be harder?´ But when I was bearing my testimony
in our zone meeting last Thursday, I realized that I´m completely fine
with it because I don´t have any regrets! I did what I came to do and
don´t have to worry about what I missed out on or what I forgot to do
because I did what I felt I needed to do and did my best to do it. I´ve
seen miracles, and I feel like there´s a list that I should put here of
everything I´ve seen and felt, but in the end, they were all just
miracles! Heavenly Father loves us! He loves me! He loves all you back
home! He loves everyone in Santa Cruz, Guayaramerín, and Cobija too! He
loves those who slammed doors on my face, those that threatened to call
the police on me, those that straight up lied to me, those that robbed
me, those that made fun of me, those that threw stuff at me, and those
that straight up screamed, ´Hail Evo, go back where you came from,
gringo!´ right in my face! He loves everyone and I did everything I
could to invite them to come back to Him. That´s all I was called to do
here. That´s what I did, so I guess that that´s why I feel ready to go
home. I´ve done what I came here to do. Yes, it´s been absolutely
hilarious at times and I´ve had experiences that I´ll never forget and
even if I look completely out of place, I still feel Bolivian.
I
think one of the most important things that I´ve learned here in
Bolivia is that the heavens are closer than we realize sometimes. And
no, I´m not saying that we´re closer to the heavens here in Bolivia.
They might be even closer in La Paz because it´s really really high up
in the mountains haha, but I´ve been in the jungle lowlands so I don´t
know what that´s like. (lame joke). Ha. funny. But we really are closer
to the heavens than we realize. I´ve felt that here. There´s moments
that it just hits you so hard there´s no denying it and no doubt that
what you´re feeling is real, but every time I´ve felt that, it´s because I
was looking for it. The heavens don´t just fall on us like the mango
that fell on my head yesterday during a lesson. They´re something we
find when we´re looking for them. Anyone can find help from our Savior.
He´s always there and wants to help us, and WILL help us too, always.
BUT, He will always help us a lot more when He sees our effort to
receive that help. What are we willing to DO to receive His help? And
what are we willing to CHANGE if it´s not what we expected? Humility.
That´s the goal.
Another thing I´ve learned is the incredible
power we´ve been given before we were even born. El albedrío. Free
agency. I don´t even know how many times I´ve heard people say, ´I know
that I just need to do so-and-so and everything will be better and if I
do such-and-such He will bless me, and if I choose to this-and-that my
family will be better....´ ....and so on and so forth. My question for
all of them that already know is this: Are you willing then? Are we
willing to CHOOSE to do it? Do we want it? How much? If we want it bad
enough, I have no doubt that we´ll do it. BUT, we must choose to do it
or the desire is meaningless. Yes, I said it, meaningless.
I´ve
seen the heavens opened in my mission. No, I never had a vision. No, I
never heard voices. But I have felt it and seen the fruits of it in the
lives of the people I´ve taught. That´s why I came here. We´re helpless
in this life without the help from above. I´ll forever be grateful for
the experiences I´ve had while reminding others that that help is still
there. The best thing we can all do is invite. They might not accept,
but at least we invited them, and invited them again, and again. It´s
their choice to accept or not. And really it´s our choice too, not just
theirs.
Another thought: progress. Are we going up or down?
There´s no fairytale place here where we just stay in the middle. Up or
down, that´s all. That´s all I want to say about that.
Basically
there´s 2 full years of things I want to say and things I´ve learned,
but in the end, the best way is to just experience it and learn the
gospel for yourself. There´s nothing I can say or do that will make up
for what you could learn trying it out for yourself. Do it. See if it
works. Put your whole heart into it. I know it works. I wouldn´t have
wasted 2 years of my life in Bolivia on something that doesn´t.
Sorry. I know it´s long, but it´s hard to explain in words what we´re meant to feel, but hopefully you all get my drift.
Love you all.
Yes, the offices has my package waiting for me, I´ll get it tomorrow.
Yes,
I´m leaving a lot because I don´t want to haul it all home. Hna
Zambrano just asked me this morning if I had extra stuff when I leave so
she can give it to other missionaries. I´ll just leave it with her.
Haha.
In the airport...... Honestly I don´t know. [I asked him who he wanted at the airport to greet him as he gets off the airplane.] I´ll leave that up to all
of you to decide, but I just have one thing, I don´t want any girls that
aren´t family there. That would just be really awkward I feel like. But
that doesn´t mean I´ll be awkward when I get back!
Sophie
asked me what I want to do when I get back........ Honestly I´ve thought
about that and I don´t even know. Whatever anyone wants to do is just
fine with me. Really busy or doing nothing, it´s all fine with me......
actually I take that back, doing nothing would be weird. Give me
something to do at least haha!
I think that´s it. Don´t know
what else to say and you probably don´t want to hear more anyway haha!
Two years of ranting emails from Elder Groneman..... bless you all you
poor things.
See you Saturday! .... but brace yourselves....
I´ve been living in the Amazon.... (go watch Jumanji and you´ll see what
I´m saying....)
Amor, abrazangos y besits,
Elder Groneman 1
(Elder Groneman 2 still has 20 months........)
Viva Bolivia.
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